My Golf Game Is Getting Real Good.

It Was The Same Thing In The Army, No Respect. They Gave Me A Uniform That Glowed In The Dark.

My Wife's So Dumb, She Got A Nail In The Spare!!

At Christmas Time We Couldn't Afford Tinsel, So We'd Wait Till Grandpa Sneezed.

When I Was Forty, I Was Getting Divorced, Living In A Low-class, Dirty Hotel In New York. My Mother Was Dying Of Cancer. I Owed $20,000. That Was About The Lowest. I Came Back To Show Business, And I Couldn't Get A Job. I Was Turned Down By Every Small-time Agent In New York.

My Daughters Been Picked Up So Many Times She's Starting To Grow Handles