If You Could Learn To Make Love,

My Wife Made Me Join A Bridge Club... I Jump Off Next Tuesday.

My Wife Is Such A Bad Cook, If We Leave Dental Floss In The Kitchen The Roaches Hang Themselves.

I Told My Dentist I Want A Tooth To Match The Others. He Gave My One With Four Cavities.

I Started Over Again With An Image: Nothing Goes Right. Then When The Godfather Came Out, All I Heard Was, Show Respect. With Me, You Show Respect. So I Changed The Image To I Don't Get No Respect. I Tried It Out In Greenwich Village. I Remember The First Joke I Told: Even As A Kid, I'd Play Hide And Seek And The Other Kids Wouldn't Even Look For Me. The People Laughed. After The Show, They Started Saying To Me, Me, Too - I Don't Get No Respect. I Figured, Let's Try It Again.

I Was So Ugly My Mother Used To Feed Me With A Sling Shot.