If I Ever Found A Church That

I've Been Barbecued, Stewed, Screwed, Tattooed, And Fried By People Claiming To Be My Friends. The Human Race Has Gone Backward, Not Forward, Since The Days We Were Apes Swinging Through The Trees.

There Is Not A Man In America Who Has Not Had A Secret Ambition To Boot An Infant.

Take Me Down To The Bar! We'll Drink Breakfast Together!

I'm Free Of All Prejudices. I Hate Everyone Equally.

I Was In Love With A Beautiful Blonde Once. She Drove Me To Drink. That's The One Thing I'm Indebted To Her For.