I Went To A Massage Parlor, It

I Knew A Girl So Ugly That She Was Known As A Two-bagger. That's When You Put A Bag Over Your Head In Case The Bag Over Her Head Breaks.

My Doctor Told Me To Watch My Drinking. Now I Drink In Front Of A Mirror.

I Went To A Fight The Other Night, And A Hockey Game Broke Out.

My Only Thrill Is Self Inflicted Hickies.

To Give You An Idea How Well I Was Doing At The Time I Quit, I Was The Only One Who Knew I Quit.