I've Put On A Lot Of Weight...

Exercise? I Get It On The Golf Course. When I See My Friends Collapse, I Run For The Paramedics.

Live By This Credo: Have A Little Laugh At Life And Look Around You For Happiness Instead Of Sadness. Laughter Has Always Brought Me Out Of Unhappy Situations.

I Don't Pick On Politicians. They Ain't Done Nothin'.

I'm Nuts And I Know It. But So Long As I Make 'em Laugh, They Ain't Going To Lock Me Up.

A Fellow Told Me He Was Going To Hang-glider School. He Said, 'i've Been Going For Three Months. ' I Said, 'how Many Successful Jumps Do You Need To Make Before You Graduate?' He Said, 'all Of Them. '