List of Jimmy Durante Quotes

I Hate Music, Especially When It's Played.

That's The Conditions That Prevail!

To His Orchestra Stop Da Music, Stop Da Music! You're Supposed To Follow Da Music, Not Chase It All Over Da Place.

Nobody Realizes That I Work 18 Hours-a-day For A Solid Month To Make That Tv Hour Look Like It's Never Been Rehearsed!

Don't Put No Constrictions On Da People! Leave 'em The Hell Alone!

Everybody Wants To Get Into The Act!

At Four O'clock In The Morning Most People Have Been Asleep For Hours, But At Four O'clock In The Morning The Night-club Children Of A Few Years Ago Were Just Getting Hot. The Band Jazzed At Full Blast. The Air Was So Thick You Could Pick It Up In Handfulls And Through It Around Like Snowballs. The Dance-floors Were Crowded With Couples Who Couldn't Do Anything But Wiggle Hips And Feet.

Start Off Each Day With A Song.

What's A Depression? The Dictionary Says A Depression Is A Dent. And What's A Dent? Everybody Knows A Dent Is A Hole. And What's A Hole? You Tell Me What's A Hole! And I'll Tell You That A Hole Is Nothin'!

Man Is The Only Animal That Can Be Skinned More Than Once.

What Did Napolean Do For Relaxation? He Read A Book. What Did Lincoln Do For Relaxation? He Read A Book. What Does Congress Do For Relaxation? They Book A Red.

I Was Hurt So Deep That I Made Up My Mind Never To Hurt Anybody Else, No Matter What. I Never Made Jokes About Anybody's Big Ears, Their Stut-terin', Or About Them Bein' Off Their Nut.