When I Go To The Beauty Parlor,

Right From The Start My Parents Had Left Me To Fend For Myself. Apparently Unaware That I Was A Kid, They Invariably Treated Me Like An Adult, Perhaps Because They Themselves Were No Spring Chickens.

The Reason I'm Not An Alcoholic Is I Don't Like To Drink In Front Of The Kids . . . And When You're Away From Them, Who Needs It?.

My Eight-year-old Bought A Bicycle With The Money He Saved By Not Smoking.

This Man I Was Going With Asked Me For My Finger Measurements. I Thought He Was Going To Buy Me A Ring For Christmas, But He Gave Me A Bowling Ball.

I Asked My Hairdresser What Would Look Good On Me. She Says A Los Angeles Rams Football Helmet.