The Reason I'm Not An Alcoholic Is

If My Jeans Could Talk, They'd Plead For Mercy.

It's A Good Thing That Beauty Is Only Skin Deep, Or I'd Be Rotten To The Core.

The Constants All Through The Centuries Will Be The Same; Wine, Women And Song. Other Than That, Life Will Be Very Different Technologically. In The Year 3000 The Universe Will Be Expanding As It Will Forever, Infinitely. We Will Probe Outer Space But Never Find Life As Evolutionized As Ours. We Were Not Created By A Deity. We Created The Deity In Our Image. Life Began On This Planet When The First Amoeba Split. Mankind Will Still Be Seeking God, Not Accepting That God Is A Spirit; Can't See It, Touch It, Only Feel It. It's Called Love.

The Only Parts Left Of My Original Body Are My Elbows.

The Reason Women Don't Play Football Is Because 11 Of Them Would Never Wear The Same Outfit In Public.