We Spend The First Twelve Months Of

You Know What Keeps Me Humble? Mirrors!

It's A Certain Kind Of Immortality, Because Those Disney Films Do Go On And On And On.

When I Go To Bed At Night, I've Got So Much Grease On My Body I Wear Snow Chains To Hold Up My Gown.

My Plastic Surgeon ... Said My Face Looked Like A Bouquet Of Elbows.

Once My Husband Said To Me, 'i'm Going To Have Some Coffee. Do You Want Me To Put Some Hot Water On For You?' I Thought That Was The Least He Could Do Considering I Was Giving Birth.