We Are All Precancerous.

Don't Take Guilt Trips. Take A Trip To The Mall, To The Next County, To A Foreign Country, But Not To Where The Guilt Is.

I Became A Radio Nut. I Loved The Afternoon Serials, And I Got Into Jazz Through The Radio. I Had A Subscription To Down Beat When I Was 12. And I'd Spend A Lot Of Time In Front Of The Minor, Miming Records.

I Never Took Reds Or Quaaludes To Balance Out The Coke. So When It Got To Be Four In The Morning And The Gram Was Three Quarters Gone, I'd Start Wishing It Was Nine O'clock And Hoping The Guy Got Up Early. But, Of Course, He Didn't Sleep Either, So There Was No Sweat. During All Those Years, I Was Always Looking Forward To The Next Snort Or The Next Guy I Could Score From.

I'm Always Relieved When Someone Is Delivering A Eulogy And I Realize I'm Listening To It.

Religion Is Sort Of Like A Lift In Your Shoes. If It Makes You Feel Better, Fine. Just Don't Ask Me To Wear Your Shoes.