Today Mitt Romney Is 68 Years Old.

Here In New York City You Can Now Walk Around Smoking Weed And All They Will Do If They See You Is Write You A Ticket. Unfortunately, The Ticket Will Be To A Jets Game.

Mitt Romney Was A Guest On 'the Tonight Show' On Nbc. It's Interesting — You Have An Empty Suit Trying To Please Everyone, And Then Romney Comes Out.

There Is No Off Position On The Genius Switch.

I Spend Most Of My Free Time Under The House.

Welcome To The Program. My Name Is Dave Letterman, And Tonight I'm Giving My Two-week Notice.