One Man's Pet-stained Carpet Is Another Man's

All The Nations Of The Earth Must Learn To Live Together In Peace. Why Be Prejudiced Against Anyone Because Of Their Race, Nationality, Or Creed? When There's So Many Real Reasons To Hate Others.

I've Always Thought The Best Way To Teach A Kid Not To Be Scared Of The Dark Is To Fill His Daylight Hours With As Much Horror As Possible.

The Irs Sent Back My Tax Return Saying I Owed $800. I Said If You'll Notice, I Sent A Paper Clip With My Return. Given What You've Been Paying For Things Lately, That Should More Than Make Up The Difference.

I've Always Suffered From A Complete Inability To Sense Who's Important.

I Love My Family. I Came Home The Other Days. My Brother's Passed-out On The Couch, Holding An Empty Bottle Of Sleeping Pills. So I Called The Paramedics, And They Pumped His Stomach, And I Think He's Learned His Lesson: You Know, Never To Take My Last Two Sleeping Pills.