One Day You're The Leader Of Iraq,

It's Autumn In New York. The Colors Are Changing — Yellow, The Browns, The Greens, The Oranges. And That's Just The Tap Water.

Yesterday Was Election Day. If We Have Any Democrats In The Audience, I'm Sorry But You're Going To Have To Give Up Your Seats.

New York City Has 2 Million Rats. We Used To Have 8 Million Rats. Now We're Down To 2 Million. You Know What That Means? We Lose Four Electoral Votes.

You Know, Sarah Palin Is The Governor Of Alaska, You Know That. And She's A Lifelong Member Of The National Rifle Association. So Great, Is What I'm Thinking, Another Vice President That Shoots A Drinking Buddy; Just Get Ready.

Have You Seen These Republican Presidential Candidates? I Bet Obama Is Sorry Now That He Spent All That Money On The New Birth Certificate.