One Day You're The Leader Of Iraq,

Because Utah Is Largely Mormon Country, The Firing Squad's A Little Different. You're Blindfolded But No Cigarette.

They're Saying Now That Rick Santorum Is Gaining Momentum Because He's Not Romney. And Mitt Romney Was Furious. He Replied, 'well, I Can Do That.

I Saw A Robin Redbreast In Central Park Today, But It Turned Out To Be A Sparrow With An Exit Wound.

Public Service Announcement: In Case Of A Terrorist Attack, Bottled Water And Duct Tape Are Not Going To Do A Damn Thing. So Do What Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge Does: Get Really Drunk, And Pick Up A Hooker.

Hookers In Times Square, God Bless 'em, Are Offering A Mitt Romney Special. For An Extra $20 They'll Change Positions.