Never Repeat Old Grievances.

The Truth Is The One Thing That Nobody Will Believe.

A Child Hasn't A Grown-up Person's Appetite For Affection. A Little Of It Goes A Long Way With Them; And They Like A Good Imitation Of It Better Than The Real Thing, As Every Nurse Knows.

Life Is A Disease; And The Only Difference Between On Man And Another Is The Stage Of The Disease At Which He Lives.

Alcohol Is The Anesthesia By Which We Endure The Operation Of Life.

They Tell Me That So-and-so, Who Does Not Write Prefaces, Is No Charlatan. Well, I Am. I First Caught The Ear Of The British Public On A Cart In Hyde Park, To The Blaring Of Brass Bands,and This . . . Because . . . I Am A Natural-born Mountebank.