Modesty Is My Best Quality.

Any Man Who Would Walk Five Miles Through The Snow, Barefoot, Just To Return A Library Book So He Could Save Three Cents - That's My Kind Of Guy.

I Went To A Meeting For Premature Ejactulators. I Left Early.

Comedy Itself Is Based Upon Very Old Principles Of Which I Can Readily Name Seven. They Are, In Short: The Joke, Exaggeration, Ridicule, Ignorance, Surprise, The Pun, And Finally, The Comic Situation.

I Must Be Cheaper Now Than I Was Ten Years Ago In Order To Get A Laugh. It's Not Funny Now If I Leave The Table And Give The Waiter A Nickel Tip, Which Was A Laugh Years Ago. Today I Must Maneuver It So That Somehow I Get The Waiter To Give Me A Nickel Tip.

A Rich Man Is One Who Isn't Afraid To Ask The Salesperson To Show Him Something Cheaper.