A Rich Man Is One Who Isn't

I Believe In Being Honest With Myself. If There's One Thing I Hate It's When A Comedian Is Great And Won't Admit It. I've Never Met One Like That, But If I Did, I'd Hate Them.

Everything Good That Happened To Me Happened By Accident.

Comedy Itself Is Based Upon Very Old Principles Of Which I Can Readily Name Seven. They Are, In Short: The Joke, Exaggeration, Ridicule, Ignorance, Surprise, The Pun, And Finally, The Comic Situation.

Gags Die, Humor Doesn't.

Hors D'oeuvre: A Ham Sandwich Cut Into Forty Pieces.