It's Nice To Be The Best, But

Yeah, I Know I'm Ugly... I Said To A Bartender, 'make Me A Zombie.' He Said 'god Beat Me To It.'

With My Wife I Get No Respect. I Fell Asleep With A Cigarette In My Hand. She Lit It.

At Twenty A Man Is Full Of Fight And Hope. He Wants To Reform The World. When He Is Seventy He Still Wants To Reform The World, But He Know He Can't.

I'll Tell Ya, My Wife And I, We Don't Think Alike. She Donates Money To The Homeless, And I Donate Money To The Topless!

My Boy Is A Mean Kid. I Came Home The Other Day And Saw Him Taping Worms To The Sidewalk, He Sits There And Watches The Birds Get Hernias. Well, Only Last Christmas I Gave Him A B-b Gun And He Gave Me A Sweatshirt With A Bulls-eye On The Back. I Told My Kids, "someday, You'll Have Kids Of Your Own." One Of Them Said, "so Will You."