Yeah, I Know I'm Ugly... I Said

I Drink Too Much. The Last Time I Gave A Urine Sample It Had An Olive In It.

Never Guess Your Wife's Size. Just Buy Anything Marked Petite And Hold On To The Receipt.

I Joined Gamblers Anon., They Gave Me 2 To 1 I Wouldn't Make It! I Joined Aa, There Was A Two Drink Minimum!

And My Girlfriend, She's Fat! How Fat? She's So Fat She Wears Two Watches-one For Each Time Zone!

I'm A Bisexual; I Get It Maybe Twice A Year.