I Was So Ugly My Mother Used

I Was So Ugly My Mother Used To Feed Me With A Sling Shot.

It's Tough To Stay Married. My Wife Kisses The Dog On The Lips, Yet She Won't Drink From My Glass.

With Girls, I Don't Think Right. I Had A Date With One Girl, She Had Mirrors All Over Her Bedroom. She Told Me To Come Over And Bring A Bottle. I Got Windex.

Last Year My Birthday Cake Looked Like A Prairie Fire.

Hey, Did Somebody Step On A Duck?