I'm An Old Newspaper-man Myself, But I

The Doctors Couldn't Find Anything Wrong With Me Except That I Have A Slight Stomach Pain. Wait Till I Get My Hospital Bill! Then I'll Really Have A Pain The Stomach!

Any Man Who Would Walk Five Miles Through The Snow, Barefoot, Just To Return A Library Book So He Could Save Three Cents - That's My Kind Of Guy.

There's Only Five Real People In Hollywood. Everyone Else Is Mel Blanc.

I Must Be Cheaper Now Than I Was Ten Years Ago In Order To Get A Laugh. It's Not Funny Now If I Leave The Table And Give The Waiter A Nickel Tip, Which Was A Laugh Years Ago. Today I Must Maneuver It So That Somehow I Get The Waiter To Give Me A Nickel Tip.

Age Is Something That Doesn't Matter, Unless You Are A Cheese. Age Is Strictly A Case Of Mind Over Matter. If You Don't Mind, It Doesn't Matter.