I Can't Understand Why I Flunked American

Critics Are Eunuchs At A Gang Bang.

I Drink Coffee With My Right Hand, And I Smoke With My Left. But I Talk With Both Hands.

Someone Who Makes You Laugh Is A Comedian. Someone Who Makes You Think And Then Laugh Is A Humorist.

In Those Days The Best Painkiller Was Ice; It Wasn't Addictive And It Was Particularly Effective If You Poured Some Whiskey Over It.

Happiness Is A Dry Martini And A Good Woman ... Or A Bad Woman.