I Came From A Real Tough Neighborhood.

I Started Over Again With An Image: Nothing Goes Right. Then When The Godfather Came Out, All I Heard Was, Show Respect. With Me, You Show Respect. So I Changed The Image To I Don't Get No Respect. I Tried It Out In Greenwich Village. I Remember The First Joke I Told: Even As A Kid, I'd Play Hide And Seek And The Other Kids Wouldn't Even Look For Me. The People Laughed. After The Show, They Started Saying To Me, Me, Too - I Don't Get No Respect. I Figured, Let's Try It Again.

A Travel Agent Told I Could Spend 7 Nights In Hawaii No Days Just Nights.

I Remember I Was So Depressed I Was Going To Jump Out A Window On The Tenth Floor; They Sent A Priest Up To Talk To Me And He Said, ' On Your Mark...'

My Dog Learned How To Beg By Watching Me Through The Bedroom Door.

I Was An Ugly Child. I Got Lost On The Beach. I Asked A Cop If He Could Find My Parents. He Said, 'i Don't Know. There's Lots Of Places For Them To Hide'.