Fame Has Sent A Number Of Celebrities

Because Of The Republicans, I'm Not Ashamed Of Being An American. I'm Embarrassed!

I'm Guessing Our Soldiers Are Happy To Be Leaving Iraq. It Is No Fun Being In A Country Where There's Crumbling Infrastructure And An Ignorant Population, But They Said They're Happy To Come Home Anyway.

Selling Pot Allowed Me To Get Through College And Make Enough Money To Start Off In Comedy.

The Comedy Gods Are Smiling On Me Tonight.

I Want To Thank Some Very Special People Without Whom I Would Not Be Here Today. George Bush, Sarah Palin And The Pope. When I Came To Hollywood In 1983, I Had One Dream. To Sleep With Jodie Foster. That Didn't Work Out, But This Is Nice, Too.