Because Of The Republicans, I'm Not Ashamed

People Like The Mormons And The Scientologists, Who I Think Should Combine And Make A Mormontologist Because What They Believe Is Just So Out There It's Just Laughable.

It Takes The Youth, Really; They're The Ones That Should Have The Energy, It Shouldn't Be The Old Geezers, But The Signs Are Very Worrying. Half Of Them, Apparently, Don't Believe In Global Warming. They Think It's A Hoax, Which Is More Of That Stupid, Stick-their-head-in-the-sand Attitude. Where Is The Outrage At The Generations That Have Preceded Them Spending All The Money? But The Cynicism Is So Deep And So Ingrained; I Guess No One Feels They Can Do Anything.

I Always Wanted To Be A Comedian, Even When I Was A Little Kid. I Had A Funny Father Who Was In The News Business, By The Way. He Was A Radio News Guy. So The News Was Always In My House, And Funny Was Always In My House. It Was Sort Of Just Baked Into The Dna That I Would Do This For A Living, But I Can Remember Being Less Than 10 Years Old And Dreaming About Being A Comedian.

I Just Don't See Why Anybody Would Vote Republican In The Army. If You Want To Support The Troops, If I Was A Troop, I Would Say, 'you Know How To Support Me? Don't Send Me To Stupid Wars.'

The Jury Could Get The Case As Early As Next Week, But The Defense Says They Just Want To Introduce One Last-minute Load Of Crap.