Charles Darwin Got Totally Hammered, Woke Up

I Hope You All Had A Wonderful Thanksgiving. Or, As It's Known To Native Americans - Sarcastic You're Welcomesgiving.

I'm More American Than Apple Pie. I'm Like Apple Pie, With A Hot Dog In It.

Turn Up Your Hearing Aid 'grandpa', Because I'm Only Going To Say This Once!

In 1986, Our Commencement Speaker Was George Schultz, Secretary Of State, Fourth In Line To The President. You Get Me-basic Cable's Second Most Popular Fake Newsman. At This Rate, The Class Of 2021 Will Be Addressed By A Zoo Parrot In A Mortar-board That Has Been Trained To Say "congratulations.

Knock Knock. Who's There? The Truth. No Joke.