You've Got Bad Eating Habits If You

The Punt Returner Got Smacked Like Nancy Kerrigan's Knee On Souvenir Pipe Night.

So Who's The Big Red Menace Nowadays? Cuba. That's It? I'm Sorry, But It's Hard To Whip Up Any Us Against Them Nationalist Fervor About A Country Whose Principal Export Is Citizens Who Can Swim.

I Had Fun Pretending To Be A Sportscaster. People Always Think That Was A Down Thing For Me. I Had The Best Job In Sports Broadcasting For Two Years.

The Quarterback's Spending So Much Time Behind The Center That He May Jeopardize His Right To Lead A Boy Scout Troop.

I'm Glad I Don't Have A Lot Of Money In The Market. And Quite Frankly, You'd Be Better Off Giving Your Money To A Colorblind Roulette Addict Than Put It In The Stock Market.