You Run On The Treadmill. But You

We Have First Lady Michelle Obama On The Show Tonight. As You'd Expect, Security's Been Pretty Tight. On My Way In I Got Five Pat-downs, And That Was Just From Joe Biden.

Yesterday, The Supreme Court Spent Over An Hour Listening To Arguments On Whether Obamacare Is Unconstitutional. Yeah, Listening To Arguments About Obamacare For An Hour, Or As Most People Call That, 'thanksgiving Dinner.'

Apple Is Developing A Service Called Home Kit That Will Allow People To Operate Gadgets Like Garage Openers And Thermostats Through One App. In Related News, Please Don't Tell My Parents About This. I Can't Be Explaining This Stuff Every Week.

Today Is Earth Day. Environmentalists Spent The Day Drawing Attention To The Earth, While The Earth Just Spent The Day Checking Facebook To See Which Planets Wished It A Happy Earth Day.

President Obama Just Made His First Presidential Trip To The State Of Utah. Obama Spent His Time In Utah Just Like You'd Expect - Telling People, 'uh, No, I Don't Play For The Jazz.'