You Know You're Old When Your Family

If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong.

My Wife Can't Cook At All. She Made Chocolate Mousse. An Antler Got Stuck In My Throat.

My Wife Only Has Sex With Me For A Purpose. Last Night It Was To Time An Egg.

I Come From A Stupid Family. During The Civil War My Great Uncle Fought For The West.

When I Was Forty, I Was Getting Divorced, Living In A Low-class, Dirty Hotel In New York. My Mother Was Dying Of Cancer. I Owed $20,000. That Was About The Lowest. I Came Back To Show Business, And I Couldn't Get A Job. I Was Turned Down By Every Small-time Agent In New York.