You Know Why I Feel Older? I

Never Floss A Stranger.

A Female Salmon Lays Three Thousand Eggs A Year - And Has Yet To Receive A Mother's Day Card From One Of Them.

Age - It's The One Mountain You Can't Overcome.

I Was Not An Attractive Child. When I Didn't Use My Girl Scouts Uniform As A Uniform, I Used It As A Tent.

But You Do Have To Learn, If You Want To Be A Satirist, You Can't Be Part Of The Party. Meaning, You Can't Go Horseback Riding With Jackie O In Central Park If You're Going To Make A Joke About Her That Night.