Age - It's The One Mountain You

I’ve Had So Much Plastic Surgery, When I Die They Will Donate My Body To Tupperware.

I Have A Wonderful Psychiatrist That I See Maybe Once A Year, Because I Don't Need It. It All Comes Out Onstage.

I Like My Politicians And My Judges And My Lawyers To Be Simple. I Think If You Worry About Where Your Hemline Is You're Really Not Concentrating On The World Crisis.

Comedy - And I Say This With Humility - Comedy Needs Me.

I Wish I Could Tell You It Gets Better. It Doesn't Get Better. You Get Better.