Whenever I Walk Off The Golf Course,

Having Children Is Like Living In A Frat House - Nobody Sleeps, Everything's Broken, And There's A Lot Of Throwing Up.

If I Have Sex, I Know My Quarterly Estimated Taxes Must Be Due. And If It's Oral Sex, I Know It's Time To Renew My Driver's License.

I Can't Complain About My Career, That's For Sure.

I Came From An Italian House. The Refrigerator Was Always Full. I Never Knew You Had To Buy Food. I Thought There Were Food Fairies That Came At Night.

Right After 'raymond' I Had A World-is-my-oyster Attitude, But I Found Out I Don't Like Oysters. I Had This Existential Emptiness.'what Is My Purpose? Who Am I?' I Had A Big Identity Crisis.