Whenever I’m Suffering From Insomnia, I Just

I Was Reading The Mirror The Other Day And Came Across A Letter From A Reader Who Wrote, 'i Was Riding My Bike To Work When This Red Ferrari Pulled Up Next To Me. Out Of The Window, Jeremy Clarkson Shouted 'get A Car', And Drove Off.' What I Actually Said Was, 'get A Car You Hatchet Faced, Leaf-eating Tw*t

If We Build Three Million New Houses By 2020, Where Will We Grow All The Stuff Needed To Feed The People Who Live In Them?

In The Olden Days I Always Got The Impression That Tvr Built A Car, Put It On Sale, And Then Found Out How It Handled. Usually When One Of Their Customers Wrote To The Factory Complaining About How Dead He Was.

Governments Would Rather Spend Their Money On Another Bomber Than Education, And Why Do We Fear Black Men When Every Bit Of Suffering In Our Lives Has A Caucasian Face Attached To It?

I Have A Pathological Terror Of Falling Through Ice. I Nearly Drowned Once. I Fell Off A Boat And Got A Cramp, And Was Rescued By An Oil-rig Diver, A Great Bear Of A Man Who Simply Leant Into The Water And Scooped Me Out With One Finger.