When You Have A Baby, Sleep Is

A New Poll Found That Almost 70 Percent Of Voters Say That Whoever Our Next President Is, They Must Have Political Experience. You Know, Because It Would Be Rude To Say 'anyone But Donald Trump.'

Joe Biden Was Spotted With A Bruise On His Face That Was Apparently Caused By His Dog. I Guess They Collided When They Both Went After The Same Tennis Ball.

My Parents Were Kind Of Over Protective People. Me And My Sister Had To Play In The Backyard All The Time. They Bought Us Bikes For Christmas But Wouldn't Let Us Ride In The Street, We Had To Ride In The Backyard. Another Christmas, My Dad Got Me A Basketball Hoop And Put It In The Middle Of The Lawn! You Can't Dribble On Grass.

The Man Who Invented Doritos Has Passed Away At The Age Of 97. He Asked To Be Buried With The Creator Of Fritos And Cheetos In A Variety Pack.

I Honestly, Purposely Have Not Gone To Therapy Because I Know Some Crazy Stuff's Going To Be Dragged Up And, You Know, I'll Be Like, 'wait, What?'