There Are More Beauty Parlors Than There

Numbers Are The Most Certain Things We Have.

It's Ridiculous For A Country To Get All Worked Up About A Game—except The Super Bowl, Of Course. Now That's Important.

We All Ought To Understand We're On Our Own. Believing In Santa Claus Doesn't Do Kids Any Harm For A Few Years But It Isn't Smart For Them To Continue Waiting All Their Lives For Him To Come Down The Chimney With Something Wonderful. Santa Claus And God Are Cousins.

My Mother Always Called Me 'sturdy' And Said I Have Big Bones. A Little Fat Is What I Am.

It's Not So Much That I Write Well, I Just Don't Write Badly Very Often And That Passes For Good On Television.