The Shortest Distance Between Two Idiots Is

I Love Women, But I Feel Like You Can't Trust Some Of Them. Some Of Them Are Liars, You Know? Like I Was In The Park And I Met This Girl, She Was Cute And She Had A Dog. And I Went Up To Her, We Started Talking. She Told Me Her Dog's Name. Then I Said, 'does He Bite?' She Said, 'no.' And I Said, 'oh Yeah? Then How Does He Eat?' Liar.

The Comedians I Liked Were Bill Cosby And Steven Wright, Like Just Always As A Comedic Actor. I Always Liked Gary Larson, Who's Really Funny For A Cartoonist, Obviously.

Whenever I'm On My Computer, I Don't Type 'lol'. I Type 'lqtm' - Laugh Quietly To Myself. It's More Honest.

To Make Even Fewer Friends Try Talking About Politics As Much As You Talk About Yourself.

A Sports Bar Is A Way To Take A Bar And Fill It With Even More Annoying People Than Usual.