The Scots Are A Very Tough People.

When I Was 10, I Beat Up The School Bully. His Arms Were In Casts. That's What Gave Me The Courage.

My Grandmother's Brain Was Dead, But Her Heart Was Still Beating. It Was The First Time We Ever Had A Democrat In The Family.

I Took My Grandmother To The Emergency Room. The Doctor Said That She Was On An Artificial Life Support System, And That Although Her Brain Was Dead Her Heart Was Still Beating. I Though, "we've Never Had A Democrat In The Family Before".

I Started Doing Stand-up At The Age Of 20. This Was Back In 1976, Around The Time (coincidence?) That The First Comedy Clubs Were Starting. The Young Comedians Of Today Gasp When I Tell Them How Many Shows I Did That First Year: 500. Five Nights A Week.

Pentiums Melt In Your Pc, Not In Your Hand.