Stop The Violence! Can't We All Just

When I Hear People Talk About Juggling Or The Sacrifices They Make For Their Children, I Look At Them Like They're Crazy Because Sacrifice Infers That There Was Something Better To Do Than The Thing - Than Being With Your Children.

You Can't Think The Thoughts You Want To Think If You Think You're Being Watched.

Nobody's Good. I Hate It. I Truly Hate It. I Mean, There's A Lot Of Guys Doing Stuff I Admire, But Stand-up-wise I Feel Very Alone. I Really Miss Bill Hicks. I Wish I Could Have Put Him On My Show. And I Really Miss Sam Kinison A Lot. Richard Pryor's Sick... It's Like You Get Here And Then, Oh Wait A Minute, There's Nobody Here Any More. I Feel Like The Guy Who Finally Got Into Studio 54, Three Years Too Late, Duh, Where Are All The Famous People?

One Of My Daughters Told Me The Other Day, "kevin Hart Is Funnier Than You, Daddy." I Told Her, "does Kevin Hart Make You Pancakes?"

Gas Is Getting So Expensive I'm Gonna Ride A Mexican To Work.