Stay Green, Stay In The Woods, And

I Came Face-to-face With A Gorilla Which Was Quite Good, But It Was A 10-hour Trek In Bad Weather, Up Hills, Covered In Mud, With Mosquitoes Everywhere And When We Got There The Gorilla's Just Sat There Doing Nowt.

Me In A One-man Tent Crouching Over Carrier Bag. It's Not Just The Lowest Point Of The Trip. It's The Lowest Point Ever. In 38 Years.

If You’re Not Happy Looking A Knob In The Face, There’s Something Wrong.

There Was Some Women In A Café The Other Week That I Was Sat In, And She Came Up And She Sat Down With Her Mate And She Was Talkin' Loudly Goin' On About "oh The Baby's Lovely." They Said It's Got, Er, Lovely Big Eyes, Er, Really Big Hands And Feet. Now That Doesn't Sound Like A Nice Baby To Me. I Felt Like Sayin' It Sounds Like A Frog. But I Thought I Don't Know Her, There's Only So Much You Can Say To A Stranger. I Don't Know What Kept Me From Sayin' It.

Pigeons: They've Got Wings, But They Walk A Lot.