Some Things Are Better Than Sex, And

Ah, The Patter Of Little Feet Around The House. There's Nothing Like Having A Midget For A Butler.

Fields' Reply: He'd Think I Was A Sissy.

What Would You Do If You Were President, And, On The First Day Of May, The Russian Ambassador Presented You With A Beautiful Cake Which Emitted A Curious Ticking Noise? Would You Plunge It Into A Pail Of Water - Thus Insulting Soviet Cuisine In General?

Ultimately Chess Is Just Chess - Not The Best Thing In The World And Not The Worst Thing In The World, But There Is Nothing Quite Like It.

Marry An Outdoors Woman. Then If You Throw Her Out Into The Yard On A Cold Night, She Can Still Survive.