Rick Perry Was Philosophical About (his Election

Did You Hear That We're Writing Iraq's New Constitution? Why Not Just Give Them Ours? We're Not Using It Anymore.

And Under The New Guidelines Issued By The Obama Administration, Federal Agents Will Not Pursue Pot-smoking Patients In States That Allow Medical Marijuana. This New Policy Is Called 'don't Ask, Don't -- What Was I Talking About?'

The Heaviest Snowfall In Over 60 Years Is Being Reported In Beijing, China. To Give You An Idea Of How Bad It Is, The Army Is Now Using Snowplows To Run Over Dissidents.

Inauguration Security Was Tighter Than Kirstie Alley In A Pair Of Spandex Pants.

Ex-convicts Prepared The Eggs For The White House’s Easter Egg Roll. It’s Nice To See The White House Reaching Out To Former Members Of Congress.