Parties Are Only Bad When A Fight

I Act Like A Jerk Sometimes.

You Know How Funerals Are Not For The Dead, They’re For The Living? Bachelor Parties Are Not For The Groom, They’re For The Uncommitted.

People Confuse Friendship And Relaxation. It's Incredibly Important To Be Relaxed - You Don't Have A Chance If You're Not Relaxed. So I Try Very Hard To Relax Any Kind Of Tension. But Friendship Is Different.

We're Americans! Do You Know What That Means? It Means Our Forefathers Were Kicked Out Of Every Decent Country In The World.

I Went To Second City, Where You Learned To Make The Other Actor Look Good So You Looked Good And National Lampoon, Where You Had To Create Everything Out Of Nothing, And Snl, Where You Couldn't Make Any Mistakes, And You Learned What Collaboration Was.