[on Plastic Surgery:] When I Die, God

You Know You're Old If They Have Discontinued Your Blood Type.

Comedy Is Tragedy Revisited.

Housework Can't Kill You, But Why Take A Chance?

It's A Good Thing That Beauty Is Only Skin Deep, Or I'd Be Rotten To The Core.

The Reason I'm Not An Alcoholic Is I Don't Like To Drink In Front Of The Kids . . . And When You're Away From Them, Who Needs It?.