[on Plastic Surgery:] When I Die, God

I Wanted To Become Me, Totally Me. The More Me, The Better. I Instinctively Knew This And I Was Right.

Just The Other Day I Said To Fang, "don't You Think We've Got A Storybook Romance?" And He Said, "yes, And Every Page Is Ripped.

My Mother-in-law Buys Her Coats In A Carper Shop. She Wears A 9x12.

We Spend The First Twelve Months Of Our Children's Lives Teaching Them To Walk And Talk And The Next Twelve Telling Them To Sit Down And Shut Up.

My Father Used To Call Me The Laughing Hyena.