Oh Spare Me, Being Stuck In Your

If It's Not Bourbon Or Sweatpants, It's Going In The Garbage.... No, Don't Get Creative. Now Is Not A Creative Time. Now Is A Bourbon And Sweatpants Time.

You Worry Too Much. Eat Some Bacon...what? No, I Got No Idea If It'll Make You Feel Better, I Just Made Too Much Bacon.

My Parents Had Irrational Fears Of Mexico And Assumed That Once You Crossed The Border, Drug Runners Made You Swallow A Heroin Balloon And Then Within The Hour You Were In A Bathtub Full Of Ice And They Were Harvesting Your Kidneys.

There Is No Definitive Guidebook On How To Pick The Right Partner, And Even If There Were, I'm Way Too Dumb To Write It.

Oh Spare Me, Being Stuck In Your Bedroom Is Not Like Prison. You Don't Have To Worry About Being Gang-raped In Your Bedroom.