Oh Great, Socks. You Know I'm Dying

Besides Hot Pockets Keeps Introducing New Products Every 10 Minutes So I Always Have New Stuff On The Topic.

My Kids Are So Dramatically Different, But It's Not Like I Would Trade One In Or Like There's One I Would Pick Over The Other Ones. I Know That Sounds Like I'm Bullshitting. I Also Have Five Of Them So I Barely Know Them.

I'm Bald, Blind And Pale. I'm Like A Gigantic Recessive Gene.

You Never Want To Be The Worst Bowler Of The Group-because Then Everyone Treats You Like You Have Cancer. "you Can Do It! We're Praying For You." The Advice Starts. "use A Heavier Ball." "keep Your Arm Straight." "you Should Get A Vasectomy." If You're Really Bad At Bowling Like Me, They'll Ask If Want The Bumpers Up. Not That Bowling Is That Complex Anyway. "you Want The Bumpers? We Can Get Rid Of The Pins. Why Don't You Take This Coloring Book And Sit In The Corner?"

Bacon Is Like The Opposite Of Medicine. It's Like, "take That, Lipitor."