Never Play Peek-a-boo With A Child On

At The End Of Every Year, I Add Up The Time That I Have Spent On The Phone On Hold And Subtract It From My Age. I Don't Count That Time As Really Living. I Spend More And More Time On Hold Each Year. By The Time I Die, I'm Going To Be Quite Young.

If You Buy Your Husband Or Boyfriend A Video Camera, For The First Few Weeks He Has It, Lock The Door When You Go To The Bathroom. Most Of My Husband's Early Films End With A Scream And A Flush.

If You're Dating A Man Who You Think Might Be "mr. Right," If He A) Got Older, B) Got A New Job, Or C) Visited A Psychiatrist, You Are In For A Nasty Surprise. The Cocoon-to-butterfly Theory Only Works On Cocoons And Butterflies.

Marriages Don't Last. When I Meet A Guy, The First Question I Ask Myself Is: Is This The Man I Want My Children To Spend Their Weekends With?

Yes, I've Now Got This Nice Little Apartment In New York, One Of Those L-shaped Ones. Unfortunately, It's A Lower Case L.