My Husband Is Almost As Heavy As

I Thank God For Creating Gay Men. Because If It Wasn't For Them, Us Fat Women Would Have No One To Dance With.

I Can't Have Cats Around Me Because They Try To Steal My Energy.

I Always Felt That It Was Easier To Take A Funny Person And Teach Them To Write Television Than To Take Somebody Who Was A Television Writer And Make Them Funny.

There's Nothing Like A Hardship Song To Set My Toes A-tappin.

Everything That`s Written About Me Has Such A Negative Taint. It Just Has A Life Of Its Own, Like An Avalanche, And I Don`t Think There`s Anything I Can Do To Stop It.