My Father Used To Call Me The

Housework Can't Kill You, But Why Take A Chance?

They Always Say To Californians That We Don't Have Seasons. Of Course, That Is Not True. We Have Fire, Flood, Mud And Drought.

No Matter What Time Your Guests Arrive, Pretend They're Early, So Naturally You're Not Ready.

When Buying A New House ... Buy The House Far Enough Away From School So Your Kids Can't Come Home For Lunch.

You Know You're Old If They Have Discontinued Your Blood Type.