Money Is Not The Most Important Thing

Ladies And Gentlemen, You Can't Please Everyone. Take My Girlfriend - I Think She's The Most Remarkable Woman In The World. . . . That's Me . . . But To My Wife . . .

It Is More Profitable For Your Congressman To Support The Tobacco Industry Than Your Life.

If An Englishman Gets Run Down By A Truck He Apologizes To The Truck.

People Come To My Shows And Know That They're Going To Hear About What's Going On In The World - What's Happening At The Moment. My Material Is As New As Anything On The Dinner Table.

I Can't Pretend That I'm A Great Student Of The Art Of Comedy Because Anybody That Becomes Philosophical About Humor Doesn't Know What He's Talking About.