Milk Without Fat Is Like Nonalcoholic Scotch.

I Am Not Retiring. Writers Don't Retire. Writers Never Stop Writing.

I Try To Look Nice. I Comb My Hair, I Tie My Tie, I Put On A Jacket, But I Draw The Line When It Comes To Trimming My Eyebrows. You Work With What You Got.

The Last Birthday That's Any Good Is 23.

You Really Can't Blame The Military For Wanting To Go To War [in Iraq]. They've Got All These New Toys And They Want To Know Whether They Work Or Not.

There Are Only A Few Safe Targets Left, Just A Few Groups Of People You Can Say Anything Negative About Without Getting In Trouble For It. I've Made A List Of Safe Targets And I Probably Ought To Stick To Those. Politicians, For Instance. You Can Say Anything You Want About Them, And It Doesn't Matter How Unfair You Are. People Seem To Like It.