Magazines Are Another Medium I Love, Because

Well, Birthdays Are Merely Symbolic Of How Another Year Has Gone By And How Little We've Grown. No Matter How Desperate We Are That Someday A Better Self Will Emerge, With Each Flicker Of The Candles On The Cake, We Know It's Not To Be, That For The Rest Of Our Sad, Wretched Pathetic Lives, This Is Who We Are To The Bitter End. Inevitably, Irrevocably; Happy Birthday? No Such Thing.

My Parents Didn't Want To Move To Florida, But They Turned Sixty And That's The Law.

Every Day When Everybody Would Have Lunch I Would Do Tm [transcendental Meditation] And Then I Would Eat While I Was Working Because I Had Missed Lunch But That Is How I Survived The 9 Years [of Seinfeld], It Was That 20 Minutes In The Middle Of The Day Would Save Me.

I Won't Do Something Unless I Can Get At Least Two Or Three Good Laughs Out Of It. If I Can't, It's Not Gonna Make The Team.

Dogs Have No Money. Isn't That Amazing? They're Broke Their Entire Lives. But They Get Through. You Know Why Dogs Have No Money? .. No Pockets.